THE FICTIONAL NINJA received his namesake from a romance novel, lives in West Hollywood, really likes The Cure, is turned off by mixed martial arts, enjoyed his four years at an all-boys high school, has a reasonable amount of friends who are girls, and is the unwilling confidant of a middle-aged woman's extensive dating life, but he seriously isn't gay. Seriously. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

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COL. PLUG REDUX, named after the famously murderous Ohio River raftboat captain, shares with his namesake an affinity for pilfering, various types of assault, and warm homemade griddle cakes. He also likes distance running and unprotected sex, as well as shows and movies about motorcycle gangs. He dislikes vendors who do not accept credit cards, protected sex, HIV/AIDS, acknowledging cause and effect, torture, fat people, and the fact that Buffy the Vampire Slayer is no longer on television.

TOM - DISGRUNTLED PRE-ATTORNEY was a standout pitcher at Louisiana State University before he was drafted in the 8th Round of the 1989 baseball amateur entry draft by the Cleveland Indians. He was then traded in 1992 to the Minnesota Twins with Oscar Munoz for Paul Sorrento. Later that same year, he was drafted by the Colorado Rockies in the 1992 Expansion Draft. On June 22, 2004, he was picked up by the Boston Red Sox and would make three appearances during the 2004 ALCS against the New York Yankees, being credited with the Game 4 win. Tom is mostly known for his famous celebration after game 4 of the 2004 World Series, where Jimmy Fallon, who was at the time filming his movie “Fever Pitch”, jumped into Tom’s arms in the middle of the field. The two jumped up and down for almost five minutes. Tom finished his 11 year career with a 50-34 record and a 4.36 era

With the body of an Abercrombie model, the liver of Blutarsky, the package of Ron Jeremy and the god-given athletic talent of Michael Vick, LANDON "THE LANDMAN" PARKER III is the total package. He grew up in Bethesda Maryland and lettered in football, lacrosse, baseball and being the man. He stands as the only freshman at Georgetown Prep to ever bang a senior, twice. His idol is Brad from the Real World: San Diego. He loves wearing lax jerseys, visors, getting hammered all summer on the Cape, chillin’ with his bros and hot chicks that show off their tan legs in little white skirts. His favorite flicks are 'Rudy', 'Dude, Where's My Car?' and 'The Devil Wears Prada'.

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