Joe the Plumber, 36, Devoured Alive in front of Parents and Children

FUCKSTICK, Ohio -- Samuel J. Wurzelbacher, who came into fame nationally as "Joe the Plumber" during the recent presidential race, has been mauled alive by wolverines in front of his parents and children, police said. Wurzelbacher, 36, had allegedly been lecturing his family members on the dangers of President-elect Barack Obama's socialistic economic policies when a gang of 30+ wolverines snuck up behind him and tore him to shreds within seconds. Despite the graphic nature of his death, Joey Wurzelbacher spoke of relief. "Holy shit, if dad had said one more thing about the potential death of Israel or ACORN's election fraud, Granny, Grampy and I were going to do it ourselves," he said. When reached for comment, Obama sighed and spoke in his characteristic calmness. "Motherfucker got what was coming."


Why the malice? Well, he wasn't satisfied with the fifteen minutes: www.secureourdream.com - his brand-new website.

So all you wolverines who read shatterfaced? Yeah, get to work.